"I’m very confident that you have never done anything wrong, you never will. As
I put it in a song, I’ve taken some chances and more than once have gotten my fingers burned and done some things I wouldn’t have done if I knew then what I since have learned. Isn’t that closer to the truth? You’ve done some things you wouldn’t have done if you knew then what you’re going to learn now, what you’ve already learned. So, yeah, we don’t have perfect information, we’re not all knowing."
The Scientifically Proven, Step-by-Step Guide to Having a Breakthrough Conversation Across Party Lines
Published on QUARTZ
By Lila MacLellan
There seems to be no way around it: In the aftermath of a contentious US presidential election, conversations between voters all along the political spectrum either devolve into shouting matches and insults, or irreconcilable platitudes. If they occur at all.
But we’ve been here before, according to the late psychologist Marshall Rosenberg. As a communications coach and mediator for civil rights and student activists during the US civil rights era, Rosenberg developed a practical strategy for peaceful conflict resolution called non-violent communication. By focusing on language and process, the theory goes, injured parties can shift the tone of their communication and spur
“If we could read the secret history of our enemies we should find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.”
Recently I received an email from someone I will call Julie in which she expressed her profound reservations about two of the seventeen core commitments that form the basis of the Consciousness Transformation Community and which to me describe the foundation of a consciousness of nonviolence. Here is the text of these two:
Assumption of Innocence: even when others’ actions or words make no sense to me or frighten me, I want to assume a need-based human intention behind them. If I find myself attributing ulterior motives or analyzing others’ actions, I want to seek support to ground myself in the clarity that every human action is an attempt to meet needs no different from my own.
Resolving Conflicts: even when I have many obstacles to connecting with someone, I want to make myself available to work out issues between us with support from others. If I find myself giving up on someone, I want to seek support to remember the magic of dialogue and entrust myself to the process of healing and reconciliation to restore connection.
"Just our words have enormous power to enrich life or
to detract from life. Might’ve been something you did, an action you took, a service you provided, that could have touched the person. So we are enormously powerful, we human beings – every moment, we have this possibility to enrich life, and there’s nothing, I find, that people throughout the world enjoy doing more than using this power in the service of life."
Disgust, Contempt, and Self-Hate
Published on EmpathyBrain.com
By Sarah Peyton
Description: In this article, Sarah shares about her inner voice and how it used to be filled with criticism and messages of contempt, disgust, and hatred towards her. She goes into what contributes to the development of these ruthless internal voices that many of us carry, and how we can begin to move into a relationship of curiosity with them and how they are actually trying to support us. Experience what this curiosity can look like
and how we can begin to move more easily into self-compassion and understanding.
"I’m so stupid, I’m so stupid," is the chant that most often accompanied me in my waking hours before my healing finally caught up with my internal voice of self-condemnation (for the sake of transparency, ashamed though I am to admit it, this happened over the last 12 months, prompted by some deepening understanding about shame and self-judgment). It had taken multiple years of journeying for me to begin to have curiosity about this
voice. As I began to listen to the voice more closely, I caught the hope for relief, for surcease of pain, in the tonal quality of the chant. How could that be? This curiosity arrived simultaneously with an expanding understanding that my self-contempt was such an uninterrupted flow within me that it was invisible to me, almost indistinguishable from my being. I could feel the shame clearly, but I could not feel its precursors, self-hate, self-contempt, and a kind of inner panic that was longing
to have some sense of being on solid ground in this life.
"While you are walking, smile and be in the here and now, and you will transform
that place into paradise."
~Thich Nhat Hanh
Freedom Project: Nonviolent Communication and Mindfulness Training in Prison
Freedom Project trains prisoners in nonviolent communication and meditation. Two complementary studies of its effects are reported in this article. The first study is correlational; we found decreased recidivism rates among prisoners trained by Freedom Project compared with recidivism rates in Washington state. The second study compared trained prisoners with a matched-pair control group and found improvement in self-reported anger,
self-compassion, and certain forms of mindfulness among the trained group. Ratings of role-plays simulating difficult interactions show increased social skills among the group trained by Freedom Project than in the matched controls.
Gratitude notes from prisoners to say thank you to CNVC trainers who volunteer and share NVC through classes and workshops. PuddleDancer Press donates books to over 40 prison programs to help support these wonderful trainers who freely donate their time and energies teaching NVC skills to help make life more wonderful for those less fortunate. If you would like to support Freedom Project or learn more about volunteer opportunities please
go to http://freedomprojectwa.org/programs/inside-prison-programs/nonviolent-communication/
"Joseph Campbell, the theologian, after studying all the basic religions on our
planet for 43 years, what does he come up with? He said, “I conclude after 43 years of studying the basic religions that they’re all saying the same simple message: don’t do anything that isn’t play.” And it’ll be play if our sole reason for doing whatever we do is to enrich life. Where you see how it’s going to enrich life, and we willingly do it for that reason. Then even if it’s hard work, even if it’s scary work, it’ll be play. So Nonviolent Communication is designed to help us keep
conscious that the most fun game in town is compassionate giving – to use our power in the service of life, and to make sure, though, that when we do use our power, we do it willingly, for the sole purpose of enriching life. That we never do anything for rewards. We never do anything to avoid punishment. We don’t do anything out of duty or obligation. Don’t do anything that isn’t play."
NVC and Using Your Emotions as a GPS to Steer you to Better Communication
By Dian Killian(CNVC certified trainer)
A video interview(28.19) from Speaker Secrets Series
Host, Marlena Willis, explores leadership with insights from Non Violent Communication and Mindfulness Meditation as well as looking at who leads in these communities, with particular focus on recognizing the leadership potential of those who grew up working class and those with disabilities.
"Yesterday is already gone. Tomorrow is not yet here. Today is the only day
available to us; it is the most important day of our lives.”
~Thich Nhat Hanh
Inspiration, Fun and More
"No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally
to the human heart than its opposite."
I was moved to tears many times by this book. The love conveyed by the messages are touching, and knowing that we have needs and feelings in our interactions with others was eye opening. Most of the things taught in NVC are things we
know on a deeper level but don’t have the words to express what we know until now. This is a book I feel will help me not only be a better communicator, but a wife, mother, friend, and professional.
Graduating From Guilt: Six Steps to Overcome Guilt and Reclaim Your Life
Regular Price: $7.95
Sale Price: $2.95
A guide to quieting the inner critic and achieving overall well-being. Through a simple, step-by-step progression, this handbook provides individuals with the means to learn how to quiet their inner critic and to experience forgiveness, self-acceptance, and empowerment. Employing a methodology rooted in the principles of nonviolent communication, the process lays out
a path for achieving freedom from toxic and emotionally draining guilt, blame, and shame. Examples of real-world situations enable individuals to visualize how they, like others, can forgive themselves for past mistakes and successfully mend broken relationships.
Holly Michelle Eckert is a certified trainer with the global Center for Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and the NVC Online Academy, a founder of the NVC Training Center of North Seattle, and a communications coach for families and individuals. She lives in Seattle, Washington.
Stay Connected to the Values of Compassion With the Free 366 Daily Peaceful Living Meditations. Read one sample
I am not easily frightened. Not because I am brave but because I know that I am dealing with human beings, and that I must try as hard as I can to understand everything that anyone ever does.—Etty Hillesum, Holocaust
Compassionate Communication suggests that improving the quality of our relationships is a primary goal. Indeed, that connection with ourselves and other people takes a higher priority than being right, winning, making more money, or looking good to other people. If you focus on improving the quality of your relationships through deeper connections, you will improve the state of your life, enhance the peace and love in your life, and feel better
about yourself.I learned this through personal experience. I worked from time to time with a business colleague. Over the years, our relationship deteriorated to the point where we had no civil connections with each other. Our association was worst just as I was starting to look at how I contributed to the angst in my relationships. As a result, I started to focus more on my connections with people rather than trying to be right or to win arguments. Within a remarkably short time, my colleague
was telling me how much she admired the changes I was making and how much she enjoyed her relationship with me. We both expressed our sadness for our earlier behaviors. Today, we are close colleagues who work together in a variety of projects and easily call each other a friend. When you shift your focus to valuing your connection with other people, you improve the quality of your life and your relationships. Everyone who crosses your path will benefit from this shift of focus. It is inevitable.
Be aware today of the times when your priority is to win or to be right rather than to connect, then shift your focus to connection with others.
If you would like to receive 366 free Peaceful Daily Meditations please sign up here. Your subscription is absolutely free, and you can unsubscribe from the series at any time.
We hope you find value in our monthly newsletters. We would love to receive ANY feedback or suggestions you may want to share. Please let others know about our newsletter to help spread NVC, if you are willing :)