Nonviolent Communication 
Sexual Harassment, Dementia and much more
NVC Quick Connect December 2017
Sent Tuesday, December 5, 2017
Please only read what is of interest to you. We have many subscribers that have many different interests.

What You'll Find in This Month's Newsletter:

  • Stopping Sexual Harassment in its Tracks Using Nonviolent Communications: Part 1, by Matthew Kadushin
  • Using Nonviolent Communication to End Sexual Harassment Part 2: Two Approaches to Common Problems, by Matthew Kadushin
  • NVC and Dementia Tips: Compassionate Communication With the AD Patient, by Liz Ayres
  • Empathy in the Face of Power, by Dian Killian
  • Mystic Mantra: Empathy - A powerful business tool, by Amrit Sadhana
  • How to Survive *Thanksgiving* Drama With This Smart Conflict-Management Strategy *(This can provide support for Holiday Drama which is why we've included it!)*
  • Vision of the Future - Dr Marshall B. Rosenbaum
Quotes by Marshall Rosenberg

Other Good Stuff
  • Almost NVC Cartoon
  • Compassion in Action - Blind and deaf man celebrates goal
  • Song - A classical and beautiful song about making choices to live our best lives
  • New Book - When Your Mind Sabotages Your Dreams 

NVC Facebook and Yahoo! Groups

December Book Specials
Four book specials from PuddleDancer Press

Scroll down to see all...
NVC clearly distinguishes three components in the expression of appreciation:

1- the actions that have contributed to our well-being
2- the particular needs of ours that have been fulfilled
3- the pleasurable feelings engendered by the fulfillment of our needs.
~ Marshall Rosenberg
Featured Article
Stopping Sexual Harassment in its Tracks Using Nonviolent Communication: Part 1
By Matthew Kadushin

If you or someone you love has recently encountered a workplace violation – like racial discrimination or sexual harassment – you may be bombarded with advice how to rectify the situation and, possibly, hold the wrongdoer accountable. Whether a boss said something lascivious about your workplace attire, or a co-worker forwarded you something ghastly and inappropriate in an email, you want tools and ways of processing this unwanted event that empower you and protect your rights.

One very interesting method for dealing is a process called Nonviolent Communication. Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, a widely respected psychologist and peace negotiator, who has helped warring Rwandan tribes and Palestinians and Israelis negotiate with one another, developed this model of communication to help people resolve conflicts. Rosenberg claims his methodology helps people in conflict focus on their feelings and needs instead of on guilt, shame, and recrimination. In two blog posts, we will discuss a little bit about how the nonviolent communication approach might be deployed to help victims of harassment.
Read More
Saying Thank you in NVC:

"This is what you did; this is what I feel; this is the need of mine that was met."
~ Marshall Rosenberg
Article #2
Using Nonviolent Communication to End Sexual Harassment Part 2
By Matthew Kadushin

If you need immediate assistance with an issue like sexual harassment, racial discrimination, gender discrimination or any other workplace conflict, connect with the attorneys at Joseph & Kirschenbaum at (212) 688-5640, or learn more about the team at

In a recent post on how workers can deal with sexual harassment, we discussed how people typically react to insensitive, inappropriate, and sometimes outright malevolent workplace comments. We also talked about a school of thought known as nonviolent communication, which emphasizes constructive problem-solving by getting the parties involved to focus on fundamental universal human feelings and needs at the core of conflicts.

In this follow-up post, we will apply Dr. Marshall Rosenberg’s conflict resolution theories to a typical workplace harassment problem.

Say your boss makes a comment to the effect of “Those jeans looks so hot on you, I just want to squeeze you all over,” and that makes you feel disgusted. According to Rosenberg, you can use two paths here. First, you can express your own feelings and needs by using a four-part system.

Step 1: Observation (done without judgment – just stating the facts): “When you just said to me ‘You look hot in my jeans, I want to squeeze them’…”

Step 2: State your feelings, taking responsibility for them: “I felt humiliated and angry…”

Step 3: Discuss your need that was or was not met: “Because my need for respect and professionalism at work was not met…”
Read More ...
Four options for receiving negative messages:
1-blame ourselves
2-blame others
3-sense our own feelings and needs
4-sense others’ feelings and needs
~ Marshall Rosenberg
Article #3
NVC and Dementia: Compassionate Communication With the AD Patient
By Liz Ayres: A volunteer of the Alzheimer's Association and former caregiver

Don't reason.
Don't argue.

Give short, one-sentence explanations.
Repeat instructions or sentences exactly the same way.

They are not crazy or lazy. They are saying normal things, and doing normal things, for an AD patient. If they were doing things, or saying things, to deliberately aggravate you, they would have a different diagnosis.

Read More ...
After we express ourselves vulnerably, we often want to know
1- what the listener is feeling; or
2-what the listener is thinking; or
3-whether the listener would be willing to take a particular action.
~ Marshall Rosenberg
Article #4
Empathy in the Face of Power-Over
By Dian Killian

Given that I have recently been blogging about power-over, structural power, and privilege, I thought I would share a real life story of facing structural power using NVC. I hope you find it inspiring! Here’s the story…

Some years ago I was heading to an NVC holiday party I’d organized with a bunch of supplies in tow. I live in NYC, and was taking the subway. I packed all the decorations and food in a large cart with wheels to make it easy to transport. By the time I got to the subway, I was running late and in a hurry. And given that I could not fit through the turnstile with my cart, I decided to see if I could open the automatic gate with my metro card. In my previous experiences on the subway, I would get the attendant’s attention, swipe, and then wait for them to open the door. I had never known for sure whether that was necessary, given there was a swipe machine next to the gate. At this point, swipe cards were still relatively new (they had replaced tokens) and the whole gate process was a bit of a mystery to me. Given that I was running late and the attendant was busy with other customers, I decided to try it. I swiped, tried the gate– it opened!– so I went through. Success! How exciting– I’d never bother getting the attendant’s help again with that gate. I was so pleased with myself!

Dian Killian is also the author of The Empathy Factor.

Read More ...
Article #5
Mystic Mantra: Empathy - A powerful business tool
By Amrit Sadhana 
Satya Nadella, the brilliant Microsoft CEO, often narrates how he almost did not get a job in Microsoft. The manager of the company, Richard Tait, asked him in an interview: “Imagine you see a baby laying on the street, and the baby is crying. What do you do?” Nadella quickly replied: “You call 911.”

As the interviewer walked Nadella out of his office, he put his arm around Nadella and said: “You need some empathy. If a baby is laying on the street crying, you pick up the baby.”

Nadella got the job nonetheless, but since then he understood the importance of empathy in work and in his personal life. Empathy is the ability to share others’ feelings and experiences. It is deeper than sympathy because it is feeling with others, not feeling for others. When someone is miserable deep down, you are happy that it is not you who is suffering. You are in a higher position so you can help the other out, whereas the road to empathy goes through yourself.

For Osho empathy is a non-violent communication not known to many people. In empathy you participate in others’ being, transmit your energy to others. The next question would be, can one acquire empathy? Yes, it is an innate trait lying dormant in everyone, but it has to be cultivated. It is not a refresh button you can suddenly turn on when there is a need. The road to empathy goes through yourself. Empathy can be developed if you first own your mistakes, if you learn to forgive yourself, if you understand that nobody is perfect.
Read More ...
No matter what others are say, we only hear what they are (1) observing, (2) feeling, (3) needing, (4) requesting.

~Marshall Rosenberg
Article #6
How to Survive Thanksgiving Drama With This Smart Conflict-Management Strategy
By Kate Branch,

This can provide support for Holiday drama as well which is why we included it!
This year, self-care theories abound on “ways to deal” with the current political and cultural turmoil—and finding a way to cope is never more important than during the holidays, when issues so often come to a head. From full-moon dance circles to female-only support spaces that offer a slew of wellness classes such as meditation, sound baths, breath work, and aura clearings, the options to heal after this challenging, and at times painful, year can seem never-ending, slightly out-there and, for some, a bit stagnant. The truth is, I don’t want to get out of bed at the crack of dawn for a new workout that combines kickboxing and aerial training just so I can feel like a superhero before my 10 a.m. meeting. And I’m not sure that Vaginal Kung Fu—an online course that aims to strengthen the pelvic muscle to such a degree that it may, one day, allow my pussy to grab back—is the answer either.

Earlier this fall, the Brooklyn wellness boutique Maha Rose quietly advertised its first six-week course in Nonviolent Communication (NVC), a decades-old method for living with compassion whose name was coined by the psychologist Marshall Rosenberg in 1999. he practice is rooted in the idea that humans are motivated by attaining a common set of shared needs—self-expression, friendship, shelter, hope, acceptance—as opposed to thinking we do things because we are good, or evil, or selfish, or because we should. And because we live in a world of judgment, Rosenberg has created a language that he says can help people communicate more effectively and, inevitably, see past their differences—even when agreeing is nowhere close to being on the table.
Read More ...
Vision of the Future - Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg

Steps to expressing anger:
1. Stop. Breathe.
2. Identify your judgmental thoughts.
3. Connect with our needs.
4. Express our feelings and unmet needs.

​​​​​​​~ Marshall Rosenberg
Compassion in Action

Blind and deaf man celebrates goal thanks to his friend who uses a tiny reconstruction of the pitch to communicate with him in heartwarming footage

A remarkable video has emerged of a blind and deaf man attending a football match with his interpreter.


Footage captured at a stadium in Bogotá, Columbia, shows interpreter Cesar Deza, describing to Jose Richard what is happening in the game using his hands and a table with a miniature pitch on it.

Moving Jose's hands across the table, Deza is able to give him a vivid picture of the game, including yellow cards, red cards, corner kicks, tackles and goals. ​​​​​​​


Read More ...
Song - A classical and beautiful song about making choices to live our best lives.  

I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womak

New Book
When Your Mind Sabotages Your Dreams: Turning Your Critical Inner Voices in Collaborative Allies.
This book is written by our good NVC trainer friends Ike Lassiter, John Kinyon and Julie Stiles. (We do not publish this-we just recommend it.)

December Book Specials
Special #1
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life 3rd Ed. Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony With Your Values
by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. 

We offer this price with the hope that you will buy extra copies for your families, friends and colleagues. Please help us reach more people with Marshall’s life changing work. Also a great gift for Christmas!
Most of us are hungry for skills to improve the quality of our relationships, to deepen our sense of personal empowerment or to simply communicate more effectively. Unfortunately, for centuries our prevailing culture has taught us to think and speak in ways that can actually perpetuate conflict, internal pain and even violence. Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life partners practical communication and emotional literacy skills with a powerful consciousness and vocabulary to help you create the life you want peacefully.

In this internationally acclaimed book, Marshall Rosenberg offers insightful stories, anecdotes, practical exercises and relationship role-plays that will literally change your approach to communication for the better. Discover how the language you use can strengthen your relationships, build trust, prevent conflicts and heal emotional pain. Revolutionary, yet simple, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life offers the most effective tools to reduce violence and create peace simply by changing how we communicate.

Over 1,000,000 copies have been sold. Printed in over 30 languages around the world. Hundreds of certified trainers and hundreds more supporters teach NVC to tens of thousands of people each year in more than 60 countries.

International peacemaker, Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D., is the founder of the Center for Nonviolent Communication, author of Speak Peace in a World of Conflict, Life-Enriching Education, and several booklets.
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Retail Price: $19.95
Our List Price: $13.55
Book: $5
​​​​​​​eBook: $5
Special #2
Nonviolent Communication Companion Workbook 2nd Ed.
by Lucy Leu

Learning Nonviolent Communication (NVC) has often been equated with learning a whole new language. The NVC Companion Workbook helps you put these powerful, effective communication skills into practice with chapter-by-chapter study of Rosenberg's cornerstone text, NVC: A Language of Life.

Create a safe, supportive group learning or practice environment that nurtures the needs of each participant. Find a wealth of activities, exercises and facilitator suggestions to refine and practice this powerful communication process.

Whether you're learning on your own, in a group or in a classroom, the NVC Companion Workbook will serve as an exceptional resource.

An exceptional resource for:
  • Individuals — All learning levels will benefit, as the NVC Companion Workbook guides you through self-directed study.
  • Group Practice — Find guidance for getting started, group process suggestions, customizable activities, and ideas for handling common group challenges.
  • Teachers — Find everything you need to develop your own NVC course or augment any existing curriculum, including an extensive reference and resource section.
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Retail Price: $21.95
Our List Price: $15.35
Book: $7
eBook: $6
Special #3​​​​​​​​​​​
The Surprising Purpose of Anger Beyond Anger Management: Finding the Gift
by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.

You can feel it when it hits you. Your face flushes and your vision narrows. Your heartbeat increases as judgmental thoughts flood your mind. Your anger has been triggered, and you're about to say or do something that will likely make it worse.

You have an alternative. The Nonviolent Communication process (NVC) teaches that anger serves a specific, life-enriching purpose. It tells you that you're disconnected from what you value and that your needs are not being met. Rather than managing your anger by suppressing your feelings or blasting someone with your judgments, Marshall Rosenberg shows you how to use anger to discover what you need, and then how to meet your needs in constructive ways.

This booklet will help you become more conscious of four key truths:

  1. People or events may spark your anger but your own judgments are its cause
  2. Judging others as "wrong" prevents you from connecting with your unmet needs
  3. Getting clear about your needs helps you identify solutions satisfying to everyone
  4. Creating strategies focused on meeting your needs transforms anger into positive actions

Read More
Retail Price: $6.95
List Price: $4.95
Book: $3
eBook: $3
Special #4
Raising Children Compassionately: Parenting the Nonviolent Communication Way
by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.


Your Search for Effective Parenting Skills is Over!

If you've searched for effective communication and parenting tips to improve your family relationships, you are not alone. This powerful, practical booklet offers the unique skills and perspective of Nonviolent Communication (NVC). While other parenting resources offer communication models or discipline techniques, NVC stresses the importance of putting compassionate connection first. Compassionate Parenting can help create a mutually respectful, enriching family dynamic filled with clear, heartfelt communication. Raising Children Compassionately is an exceptional resource for parents, parent educators, families and anyone else who works with children.

A parent himself, Marshall Rosenberg has taught NVC to parents, families, children and teachers for more than 40 years. Parents around the world have used his advice to deepen family connections, move past conflicts and improve communication. His revolutionary approach helps parents motivate children to act without the threat of punishment or the promise of reward. Learn how to model compassionate communication in the home to help your children resolve conflicts and express themselves clearly.

Raising Children Compassionately will empower you to:
  • Get what you want more often without using demands
  • Listen so others are really heard
  • Strengthen your emotional connection to your partner and children
  • Hear the needs behind whatever anyone does or says
  • Stay connected to your values during any interaction
  • Reduce family conflicts and sibling rivalry
Read More
Retail Price: $5.95
List Price: $3.95
Book: $3
eBook: $3
© Sven Hartenstein.(used with permission)
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