Nonviolent Communication: Making Difficult Conversations Easier and much more
NVC Quick Connect November 2017
Sent Wednesday, November 1, 2017
What You'll Find in This Month's Newsletter:

  • The scientifically proven, step-by-step guide to having a breakthrough conversation across party line, by Dian Killian
  • Nonviolent Communication Basics – Liminal Somatics, By david | Published May 28, 2017
  • Creating a Culture of Nonviolence: A Conversation With Arun Gandhi, By Tiffany Meyer
  • Making Difficult Conversations Easier, by David McCain
  • Tom Moon - 3 articles in a series of 3 on Nonviolent Communication
  • Nonviolent Communication – Marshall Rosenberg (in depth entry workshop by Marshall Rosenberg
Quotes by Marshall Rosenberg

Other Good Stuff
  • The Old Man Who Lost His Horse
  • Compassion in Action: Dalai Lama’s Compassion in Action
  • Almost NVC Cartoon
  • Video - Dear Hate (Lyrics) - Maren Morris feat. Vince Gill (Tribute to Vegas Victims)
  • Celebrate Marshall – it was Marshall birthday in October –we meant to include this in our last newsletter : )
  • ​​​​​​​ CNVC E Forums
  • NVC Apps for Smartphones

NVC Facebook and Yahoo! Groups

November Book Specials
Three book specials from PuddleDancer Press

Scroll down to see all...
"Nonviolent Communication helps create a world where people are seeing past ‘enemy images,’ connect across differences (gender, age, race, sexual orientation, religion and political beliefs), and resolve conflicts nonviolently and collaboratively — without the use of force or coercion, but instead by connecting with our common humanity and engaging our compassionate nature."

~Marshall B. Rosenberg
Featured Article
The Scientifically Proven, Step-by-Step Guide to Having a Breakthrough Conversation Across Party Line
By Lila MacLellan

There seems to be no way around it: In the aftermath of a contentious US presidential election, conversations between voters all along the political spectrum either devolve into shouting matches and insults, or irreconcilable platitudes. If they occur at all.

But we’ve been here before, according to the late psychologist Marshall Rosenberg. As a communications coach and mediator for civil rights and student activists during the US civil rights era, Rosenberg developed a practical strategy for peaceful conflict resolution called non-violent communication. By focusing on language and process, the theory goes, injured parties can shift the tone of their communication and spur collaboration.

Rosenberg’s method, now used by companies, conflict negotiators, and personal therapists, is rooted in the belief that all humans share the same universal needs, including the sense that they’re being heard, understood, valued, and respected. Conflicts arise when words are perceived as threats, which devolve into power struggles. The goal of Rosenberg’s four-step approach to meaningful conversations is to connect about everyone’s needs, not to “win.”


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"Underlying all human actions are needs that people are seeking to meet. Understanding each other at the level of our needs creates such connection because the similarities between us outweigh the differences, (we all have the same needs) giving rise to greater compassion. When we focus on needs, without interpreting or conveying criticism, blame, or demands, our deeper creativity flourishes, and solutions arise that were previously blocked from our awareness. Conflicts and misunderstandings can be resolved peacefully."
~Marshall B. Rosenberg
Article #2
Nonviolent Communication Basics
By David | Published May 28, 2017

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a language of compassion and offers a path for positive social change to come back to when we lose our way in the complexities of relationship. The integration of thinking, feeling, and intuition is at the heart of NVC training and the domain of the consciousness it cultivates. Practicing NVC grounds word and action in a consciousness that cultivates compassionate connection with others by identifying the “needs” that underlie our own and others’ feelings and actions. In this appendix are some of the very basic forms and distinctions of NVC, that Marshal Rosenberg, its founder refers to as the map and not the territory. The territory is the consciousness. Marshall’s book is a quick, easy, and an excellent read for those wanting to learn the basics. As with any art, these rudiments necessarily must be learned, practiced, understood, embodied and then let go of so as not to become rote and block creativity. Like training wheels on a bike, they help us learn but can eventually impede us.

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Question: We have heard that anger should not stay bottled up. How do you let it out in an appropriate way?

ROSENBERG: When you are angry, shut up, until you come back to life. You come back to life when you are conscious that you are not angry at what the other person did. You are angry because of the thinking that is racing through your head. We show people how to identify that thinking and then quickly translate it into the truth: the need that is not being met. When you are in touch with your needs, you cannot be angry. You will have strong feelings: fear, frustration, sadness, but not anger. Then, you are connected to life. Then, when you open your mouth, you are fully expressing what is going on in you.

Article #3
Creating a Culture of Nonviolence: A Conversation with Arun Gandhi

By Tiffany Meyer, PuddleDancer Press

A world-renowned speaker, author and social change leader, Arun Gandhi shares the lessons of nonviolence instilled by his grandfather all around the world. In this conversation, Mr. Gandhi offers unique insight into the global peace movement — providing peace activists of all levels hope and guidance in how to affect nonviolent social change.

In partnership with his wife Sunanda, Arun Gandhi is the co-founder of the A.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence. Born in 1934 in Durban, South Africa, Arun is the fifth grandson of the legendary leader, Mohandas K. "Mahatma" Gandhi. A world-renowned speaker, author and social change leader, Arun shares the lessons of nonviolence instilled by his grandfather all around the world. In this conversation, Mr. Gandhi offers unique insight into the global peace movement - providing peace activists of all levels hope and guidance in how to affect nonviolent change.

Q: Looking back on your own legacy, are there some major social change accomplishments that stand out in your mind? How do these accomplishments relate to the global movement?

A:I have always done what I do with the intention of planting seeds and make people think of alternatives. I am content to that where ever I go. I believe in all these years I have planted many seeds. I am sure many must be blossoming now. But results are not my concern. Grandfather used to tell us that when you become overly concerned about the results then you will not do what you have to do because half of your mind is occupied by what with the result be. So I don't bother about that at all. I just go about doing what I can in the best way I can and hope it eventually makes a difference in someone's life.

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"When people hear anything that sounds like criticism, they tend to invest their energy in self-defense or counterattack. It's important that when we address somebody that we're clear what we want back."
~Marshall B Rosenberg
Article #4
Making Difficult Conversations Easier

By David McCain

When was the last time you had a difficult conversation? With all the people we interact with and the diversity that enriches our workplaces and lives, it’s inevitable that we will run into other people who see the world differently than we do. It can be uncomfortable to realize we are not on the same page with another person, whether it’s a client, co-worker or family member. This discomfort can lead you to shut down, get upset or just give up on the conversation or relationship.

Or, it can drive you to find more effective ways to connect with others. The Compassionate (Nonviolent) Communication model, which I’ve been sharing with others for more than 15 years, offers a time-tested process used around the world to transform difficult conversations and bridge differences in order to lead to mutually satisfying outcomes. The core element of this communication method is awareness of the things that matter most to us as people, known as Universal Human Needs. Needs motivate all we do, they are shared by all people and they can be met in many ways. Categories of human needs include survival, self-expression, safety and purpose, as well as social and emotional needs.

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Article #5-7
Tom Moon's 3 Articles in a Series of 3 on Nonviolent Communication

Published in
Nonviolent Communication 1: Value Judgments versus Moralistic Judgments
In my work with (mostly gay male) couples I’ve often notice that the “substantive issue” turns out to be how the couple communicates about the substantive issues. It’s not uncommon for even the most loving of couples to resort to harsh, hostile, and aggressive language when conflict arises. That is one of the reasons why…
Nonviolent Communication 2: "Killing People is too Superficial"
Last time I talked about the basic ideas of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), a form of interaction developed by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg which offers an alternative to the competitive, judgmental, and violent forms of communication in which most of us have been socialized. This time I’d like to talk about how NVC approaches the issue of…

Nonviolent Communication 3: Connecting Compassionately with Ourselves
 “In our language there is a word with enormous power to create shame and guilt. This violent word, which we commonly use to evaluate ourselves, is so deeply ingrained in our consciousness that many of us would have trouble imagining how to live without it. It is the word ‘should,’ as in ‘I should have…

"I use the term Nonviolent Communication™ as Gandhi used it - to refer to our natural state of compassion when violence has subsided from our heart. While we may not believe we are 'violent', our words and thoughts often lead to pain for others and ourselves." 

~Marshall B Rosenberg
Marshall Rosenberg's in-depth entry workshop​​​​​​​

The Old Man Who Lost His Horse

Marshall often referred to this story in his workshops

By Grace Wang

There is a Chinese proverb: 塞翁失馬焉知非福 (Saiweng Shima, Yanzhi Feifu). It is the story of “The Old Man Who Lost His Horse” and all Chinese know it.

During the Han Dynasty—in the third century B.C.—an old man living on China’s border one day lost his horse. His neighbors all said what terrible luck that was, and sympathized with the old man. But Sai Weng said: “Maybe losing my horse is not a bad thing after all.”

Lo and behold, the next day the old man’s horse returned, together with a beautiful female horse alongside him. All the neighbors exclaimed: “What great luck!” But the old man responded: “Maybe this is not such good luck after all.”

The old man had a strong young son. The boy fell in love with the new horse and rode her every day. One day the new horse got spooked by a wild animal and threw the boy from her back. He broke his leg very badly and was permanently crippled.

All Sai Weng’s neighbors said: “What a tragedy, your strong son will never walk without pain again.” But the old man again said: “Maybe this is not such a bad thing after all.”

And so it went that when the New Year came, the emperor’s army passed through the border region and recruited all able young men to fight in the frontier war. Because the old man’s son was crippled he could not fight and was left in the village to farm with his father. Sai Weng said to his neighbors: “You see, it all turned out okay in the end. Being thrown from the horse and breaking his leg saved my son from fighting in the war and almost certain death. So it was in the end a lucky thing after all.”

Whenever a bad thing happens in China, someone will say “Sai Weng Shi Ma” (Remember “The Old Man Who Lost His Horse”) to remind themselves and others that apparently bad things sometimes have a silver lining.

Compassion in Action
Dalai Lama’s Compassion in Action

Video - Dear Hate (lyrics) - Maren Morris feat. Vince Gill (Tribute to Vegas Victims)

Celebrate Marshall! It was Marshall's Birthday in October. 
We meant to include this in our last newsletter ;)

Please join us in celebrating how Marshall Rosenberg has contributed to our lives! Take a few moments and add your own story and then soak in the many stories others have shared. Together, we will acknowledge Marshall and nurture ourselves!
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CNVC E Forums
Read more to discover a list of numerous online forums.
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NVC Apps for Smartphones
These applications are not owned or created by CNVC. We have looked at them and believe they might be supportive of some aspects of NVC Principles.
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November Specials
Special #1
Being Genuine: Stop Being Nice, Start Being Real
by Thomas d'Ansembourg

Most of us walk through life with thinking and language that stands as a concrete block between what we want and what we actually get. We stand alienated from ourselves, unaware of what we're feeling, what we want and how to get it. We function on autopilot, putting our personal and intimate relationships dead last behind work, family and other life responsibilities. And we react to loved ones, family and coworkers in ways that further alienate us, keeping us from experiencing the quality of relationships that we all deserve.

Being Genuine brings Thomas d'Ansembourg's blockbuster French title to the English market. His work offers you a fresh new perspective on the proven skills offered in the best-selling book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. Drawing on his own real-life examples and stories, d'Ansembourg provides practical skills and concrete steps that allow us to safely remove the masks we wear, which prevent the intimacy and satisfaction we desire with our intimate partners, children, parents, friends, family, and colleagues.

With this fresh, new perspective on communication learn to:
  • Safely remove the masks we hide behind
  • Overcome past prejudices and conditioned beliefs
  • Purge your thinking and language of anything that generates conflict
  • Accept responsibility for your feelings and actions
  • Transform the fears that block us from connecting with others
  • Create the space you need to connect with loved ones or colleagues
  • Practice unconditional love each day
Based in Belgium, Thomas d'Ansembourg is a former lawyer and legal advisor, and has worked for over a decade managing support to at-risk youth. First published in French in 2001, Being Genuine is now a European bestseller with more than 200,000 copies in print. Being Genuine has also received the 2003 Festival of Authors of Psychology of Nimes Award.
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Retail Price: $17.95
Our List Price: $12.55
Book: $6
​​​​​​​eBook: $5
Special #2​​​​​​​​​​​​​​
Speak Peace in a World of Conflict: What You Say Next Will Change Your World
by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.

In every interaction, every conversation and in every thought, you have a choice — to promote peace or perpetuate violence. International conflict management expert, peacemaker, mediator and healer, Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg shows you how the language you use is the key to enriching life. Take the first step to reduce violence, heal pain, resolve conflicts and spread peace on our planet — by developing an internal consciousness of peace rooted in the language you use each day.

Speak Peace is filled with inspiring stories, lessons and ideas drawn from over 40 years of mediating conflicts and healing relationships in some of the most war torn, impoverished, and violent corners of the world. Speak Peace offers insight, practical skills, and powerful tools that will profoundly change your relationships and the course of your life for the better.

Discover how you can create an internal consciousness of peace as the first step toward effective personal, professional, and social change. Find complete chapters on the mechanics of Nonviolent Communication, effective conflict resolution, transforming business culture, transforming enemy images, addressing terrorism, transforming authoritarian structures, expressing and receiving gratitude, and social change.

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Retail Price: $15.95
List Price: $11.15
Book: $5
eBook: $4
Special #3
Words That Work in Business: A Practical Guide to Effective Communication in the Workplace
by Ike Lasater, with Julie Stiles


Do You Want to be Happier, More Effective and Experience Less Stress at Work?

Do you wish for more respectful work relationships? To move beyond gossip and power struggles to improved trust and productivity? If you've ever wondered if just one person can positively affect work relationships and company culture, regardless of your position, this book offers a resounding "yes". The key is shifting how we think, and talk.

Former attorney-turned-mediator, Ike Lasater, offers practical communication skills matched with recognizable work scenarios to help anyone address the most common workplace relationship challenges. Learn proven communication skills to:
  • Enjoy your workday more
  • Effectively handle difficult conversations
  • Reduce workplace conflict and stress
  • Improve individual and team productivity
  • Be more effective at meetings
  • Give and receive meaningful feedback

Ike Lasater, J.D., MCP, is a former attorney and cofounder of Words That Work, a consulting and training firm helping organizations achieve results through better communication and collaboration ( He has worked with individuals and organizations in the US, Australia, Hungary, New Zealand, Pakistan, Poland and Sri Lanka. He is a former board member for the Center for Nonviolent Communication, and the Association for Dispute Resolution of Northern California, and the co-founder of the Yoga Journal magazine.
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Retail Price: $12.95
List Price: $9.05
Book: $4
eBook: $3
© Sven Hartenstein.(used with permission)
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