The holidays can be one of the most stressful times of year. Family gatherings, busy schedules, entertaining, and the bustle and pressure of expectations around gift giving. In this training excerpt, world-renowned peacemaker and author, Marshall Rosenberg, gives frank advice to keep our compassion alive by shifting our thinking.
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A powerful, meaningful, funny and hopefully helpful article for the season. If you are willing, we'd love for you to share this seasonal article with friends and loved ones.

Love and compassion don't recognize right or wrong, good or bad. If you're struggling in a relationship, try not to judge it. Rather, focus on what you both want.

A great way for friends, family and especially for yourself to start the New Year with a daily dose of compassion.

Perfect for holiday giving at 70% off through Dec. 31, 2015

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1. New Book by Deepak Chopra - corrected link and bonuses with purchase.
2. Windward Empathy: Check out this website dedicated to all things related to NVC
   
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Be Careful What You Hear During the Holidays

If you want to enjoy your life, particularly during the holiday season, I would strongly recommend you never hear what another person thinks.

I think you will enjoy life better and you will enjoy other people much better by following this rule. Especially never hear what they think of you. Especially that.

But if you really insist on making life miserable for yourself do this: think of what you are. Think, for example, whether you're normal or abnormal. Appropriate or inappropriate. Attractive or ugly. Intelligent or stupid.

Every second that you spend thinking of yourself, what you are, I predict you won't be enjoying life very much. So, if you really want to be miserable spend moments of your life thinking of what you are.

But if you're really masochistic and want to go even further, think of what other people are. When family members or friends are talking, think in your mind, "wow, they've got a big mouth." When someone makes a comment, say to yourself, "that was inappropriate," or "they are really unkind," or even "they are much nicer than anyone else in my family."

And then, the most wonderful way to make life miserable for yourself is to think of what other people think of you. Listen carefully to every comment about your work, your kids, your outfit, your home, even the good you've prepared at the next family gathering. This is sure to make life miserable for yourself.

But do you really want to be miserable? Why go someplace ugly when the truth — behind all of those judgments and evaluations — is beautiful? Why hear what a person thinks of you when the truth of what's alive in them behind it is a message you can truly enjoy?

So, never hear what people think of you. Instead, hear what they are feeling and needing at the moment they're expressing those thoughts. It'll be better for you, and the other person. That's because by hearing their feelings and needs you'll find joy contributing to their well-being. And, you'll of course feel far less stress by not spending moments of your life caught up in what people think of you.

 

Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. (1934-2015) authored Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, Speak Peace in a World of Conflict, Life-Enriching Education, and dozens of booklets, videos and audiotape series. He was the founder and educational director of the Center for Nonviolent Communication, and regularly spent over 200 days each year teaching NVC throughout the world.

"The most wonderful
way to make life
miserable for yourself
is to think of what other
people think of you."

Sample Meditation, continued

What is the important thing behind both people's words and actions?

If someone says,"You don't care anything about me," what do you think she really wants? I'm guessing she wants to be valued and cared about. She might also want her needs to be considered.

If you focus on her words, you may recall all the times you've done a caring thing for her. Or you might argue about whether you care or not. This type of argument results in more anger and contempt because it doesn't demonstrate that you've heard the other person, or that you care about them.

A more effective response could be focusing on the underlying needs you're hearing behind the words, such as,"Sounds like you're bummed and you'd like to know that I value you. Is that right?" You might not agree with the person's statement. You don't have to. All you are doing is acknowledging her feelings. Once she feels heard, you have set the stage for a full conversation to resolve the situation.

Commit to connecting to the feelings of at least one person today.

Mary Mackenzie is a Certified CNVC Trainer and author of Peaceful Living: Daily Meditations for Living with Love, Healing and Compassion. She holds an MA degree in Human Relations and is a trained mediator. Mary is the co-founder of the NVC Academy and she teaches NVC to individuals, couples, and families, and offers retreats and workshops to help organizations strengthen their productivity and success.

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News from PuddleDancer Press / the NVC Network... continued

CORRECTION - fixed bad link

In our last issue we let you know about the new book by Deepak Chopra. Unfortunately the link was incorrect. That has been fixed below.

 

We are so appreciative of the new foreword by Deepak Chopra that we wanted to give our community the opportunity to take advantage of this opportunity to order Dr. Chopra's new book.

ON SALE NOW  - Order Your Copy Today > >

 

 

Check Out the Windward Empathy Website

This is a website dedicated to all things related to Nonviolent Communication, or Compassionate Communication, as developed by Marshall Rosenberg. You will find writings, links, videos and pictures. Hopefully all of this will help you on your journey to live a more compassionate life.

Windward Empathy

 

 

Keep learning these vital communication skills with these books and training resources:

 

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